At some point in life, most of us are likely to stumble across a “Bar Mitzvah” or “Bat Mitzvah.” If you were anything like me, the first time you heard of one in context you understood it to be some sort of coming-of-age religious ceremony, but knew little beyond that.
Well, today we plan to expand your understanding of this important Jewish tradition and give you helpful insight on how to best celebrate the Jewish young people in your life, particularly for Bar Mitzvah gift etiquette and ideas.
In the Jewish culture, the Bat and Bar Mitzvah ceremonies are so beloved, anticipated, and cherished. This special occasion is not only for the entire family but the whole Jewish community that the Bar Mitzvah boy or Bat Mitzvah girl belongs to.
For this reason, there are traditional Bar Mitzvah gifts (and non-traditional gifts!) that accompany this Jewish rite of passage.
If you’ve been invited to partake in this happy celebration, but you’re fretting about what kind of gift to look for and/or proper gift Bar or Bat Mitzvah gift etiquette, our advice to you is: “Don’t worry!” We will learn about this custom (and so much more) in this article.
There’s something so distinctly meaningful about coming-of-age traditions, and a Mitzvah ceremony is no exception. I know I love to read memoirs about this transitional age and the rights and responsibilities that come along with it.
We’ve all been to that magical place in time, and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs celebrate that important, one-of-a-kind transition beautifully and uniquely.
So without further ado, let’s jump into it! Mazel tov!*
*Good luck!
Our website is supported by our users. We sometimes earn a commission when you click through the affiliate links on our website. See our privacy policy & disclosures for more information.
Understanding the Bat Mitzvah and Bar Mitzvah Traditions
A Bat or Bar Mitzvah celebration is an important milestone in the life of a young person of the Jewish religion. Whether or not you share the same Jewish beliefs and background, it’s a wonderful chance to explore and learn more about this beautiful tradition.
“Bar Mitzvah,” which is as much an achieved title as it is an occasion, means “Son of the Commandments,” or “Daughter of the Commandments” for Bat Mitzvah. When a boy or girl of the Jewish faith turns thirteen (twelve for girls), it is seen and acknowledged as the beginning of their manhood or womanhood: the transition out of their childhood.
Now he or she is believed to be mature enough to take on the new religious privileges and responsibilities of an adult under Jewish law.
The customs and traditions of the Bar Mitzvah (for boys) date all the way back to the 13th century, while Bat Mitzvahs (for girls) have only been observed for about 100 years.
Religious rites and community are very important and held dear to the Jewish people. They are the strongholds that bind together their love for God and family. So, the Mitzvah is a big deal and one of the favorite celebrations that comes along.
And that is saying something because the Jewish people dearly love to throw a party!
Come along with us as we explore this beautiful tradition, and share some of the most wonderful tidbits of information, plus lots of delightful gifts to give your person of the moment.
L’chaim!*
*To life!
What Happens in a Bat Mitzvah and Bar Mitzvah?
One of the most important things about attending a Bat or Bar Mitzvah is to include the family and community at all points. Coming together to celebrate the maturity of their special boy or girl is the whole reason to celebrate!
But it’s not all “fun and games.” Quite on the contrary, actually. There are responsibilities for partygoers and the stars of the show alike!
For example, the B’nai Mitzvah child must have proved themself ready to a certain extent.
Depending on the denomination they belong to, measures of their maturity can include such things as attending a minimum number of Shabbat prayer services at the synagogue, attending Hebrew school, performing charity or community services, reading from the Torah, and other guidelines.
Richie Frieman, a best-selling Jewish author and etiquette expert who hosts the “Modern Manners Guy” podcast, recalled his most memorable Bar Mitzvah celebration for us. Here is his firsthand account, which offers insight into just how important these celebrations are:
“My favorite experience was my older brother’s Bar Mitzvah (three years older) because it was my first chance to really be a part of the “why” behind why we have Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in the first place. I saw him study and rehearse for months, which made me realize a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not easy.
Everyone in my family got new outfits—and [I got] my first suit. Even the guys had their hair done. I remember being afraid to move my head too much beforehand, so my mom wouldn’t be mad.
That day I handed out kippahs at the door of the temple to all his friends (who looked like adults in my eyes) and other guests. They dressed up, cheered him on after he was done, and then off to the party. I had two best friends with me and we lived every moment like it was ours! My mom rented an old-school trolley to take us from the synagogue to the party, which had never been done before. Then the party was like nothing I’d ever seen.
Keep in mind, I did not have a wealthy upbringing, but the party was so “us” and “him” and it was the first time that I truly understood why a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is so important to our people.”
Modern Manners Guy
What About the Dress Code? What Should I Wear?
If you’re going to be attending a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah you may be wondering, “Is there a dress code at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?” Most of the time this will be specified for you when you receive your invitation!
If your invite doesn’t indicate the appropriate attire, don’t worry! We’ve consulted an expert for you.
Here’s what Leah Ingram, Jewish author of The Everything Etiquette Book and founder of Ingram Real Sophisticated Consumer, has to say about B’nai Mitzvah guest attire:
“In my experience, you don’t have to dress super fancy to attend a B’nai Mitzvah (unless the invitation says black tie, though that’s rare). However, dressing casually isn’t appropriate either. Also, it depends on which Jewish denomination the Bar Mitzvah boy or girl is.
For example, someone who is a Reform Jew subscribes to the most liberal view of Judaism. So a special occasion at a Reform Temple would require dressing nicely but could possibly be as relaxed as business casual.
On the other hand, Orthodox Judaism is one of the most conservative sects in Judaism. If you’re invited to an Orthodox ceremony, women should expect to cover their heads as well as their arms and legs. Men should wear a suit. Men and women may even sit separately.”
Ingram Real Sophisticated Consumer
Cash Gifts: How Much Money Do You Give?
Jewish gift-giving has a fun tradition of giving in multiples of 18s. Why eighteen? In numerology, eighteen corresponds with chai.
No, not the spicy drink you sip in the wintertime!
We learned this word earlier when we said, “L’chaim!” It means “life.” So, when you give in multiples of eighteen, you are saying “to life!” or wishing them a happy existence.
While $18 may seem like it’s on the smallish side of a cash gift, it’s still perfectly acceptable. Any multiple of eighteen is acceptable, so whether you wish to give 18×2 ($36) or 18×10 ($180), whatever fits your budget is fine!
But can you give monetary gifts in other, not-so-obvious ways than cash? Such as a gift card, gift certificate, Apple Pay, or the like? The short answer is, absolutely!
Traditional Bat Mitzvah and Bar Mitzvah Gifts
Do you feel like cash isn’t as intimate of a gift as you would like to give? That’s totally okay! Other gifts are absolutely fine and appropriate for your young man or young woman.
Some ideas include a nice set of Shabbat candlesticks, a necklace with the Star of David, a Mezuzah, something for their favorite hobby, a personalized bit of jewelry, a prayer book, and many other options. In short, consider your gift recipient and ask yourself what they might like best! Then just have fun shopping!
Still scratching your head and in need of ideas? Totally okay. That is why we’re here, after all! We’ve found some wonderful options that fit perfectly in Bar and Bat Mitzvah gift etiquette, so all you have to do is scroll and pick one or two.
A traditional object that’s still modern and sophisticated, not to mention grown-up, these Hebrew prayer bracelets make a wonderfully appropriate gift.
The bracelets feature delicate beads adorned with Hebrew characters, each carrying a unique and profound meaning, symbolizing spirituality, and protection.
They come in silver or gold and offer a touch of spirituality, but also serve as a lasting and elegant piece of jewelry.
A prayer book is always a welcome gift at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah celebration! This beautiful Jewish book is a treat for the eyes and — of course — for the soul, as well.
It’s not quite as heavy-handed as their mom and dad’s prayer books and will be a well-loved addition to their book collection.
- 6 Color Options
- For Men & Women
- Shipped from Israel
A religious item that is used often and much loved is a gorgeous Tallit prayer shawl, like this one.
There are so many lovely colors to choose from, and the Lord’s name is written out on each of the four corners! This is a wonderful gift for a boy or girl.
Your boy or girl will love this minimalistic and modern version of a Kiddush cup. It’s handmade of lead-free ceramic and stoneware, and comes with a plate as well.
There is a blessing inscribed in black and gold on the back, and it is the perfect size and weight. He or she will love having their own grown-up cup at hand!
Exactly right and just so! This Hebrew letters wall art is modern, eye-catching, and helpful, too.
The sleek design of the artwork means it will fit right in with just about any décor, making it an easy choice for a gift for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
This Jewish holy book is so beloved and will be treasured by any devout woman or man!
The cover is stunning with its bold and vibrant blue, and the translation is absolutely perfect for someone in modern times like ours. It brings the scriptures to life without sacrificing their meaning or tradition.
With the Torah pictured on the front alongside some lovely flowers, this velvet Jewish Tallit bag is an exquisite and purposeful accessory crafted to honor the sacred tradition of donning the Tallit during prayer.
Elegantly designed with both aesthetics and functionality in mind, this bag serves as a dignified carrier for their cherished prayer shawl. You could even include a small gift or some cash tucked inside as a little surprise!
- Hand-painted
- 7.5" x 9"
- Candle Base: 9mm
A radiant centerpiece for the Festival of Lights, and thoughtfully designed to illuminate the joy and traditions of Hanukkah.
Crafted with care and symbolism in mind, this Menorah stands as a beautiful embodiment of the miracles celebrated during the eight nights of Hanukkah.
This will be an especially cherished gift because it may be the first Menorah of their very own as a young adult.
A perfect gift for the young man or woman, this Shabbat candlestick holder (and matchbook) has a modern appeal, while still being traditional and nodding to the past.
It’s made of glass and clay and will stand the test of time, with many Shabbats to come!
Support Israel and support your favorite causes all at once with a gift of Israel bond! No more searching is necessary, as this would be an extremely meaningful and thoughtful gift.
What a beautiful way to say “L’chaim!”
Best Gifts for Bat Mitzvah
For the young Jewish girl celebrating this momentous occasion, you’ll want to zero in on the most special Bat Mitzvah gift ideas.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with gifting a “regular” birthday gift, so don’t overthink it too much! These still align with Bat Mitzvah gift etiquette. Think of what she loves and enjoys most, and go from there! Still unsure? Read on!
For her special day, you can’t go wrong with a bit of Jewish jewelry like this pretty Judaica necklace!
It’s so lovely and delicate, yet made to last for many years to come. She’ll want to wear it constantly.
A symbol of faith and heritage designed to accompany her on her daily journey, whether it’s to school, the synagogue, or out and about.
This exquisite keychain is not only a functional accessory but also a meaningful reminder of the profound connection to her identity and beliefs.
- Kosher Approved
- 36 Assorted pcs.
- Beautiful Packaging
What young woman doesn’t appreciate some delightful and yummy chocolate? This Godiva gift box is such a treat! It is filled to overflowing with some of the best gourmet chocolate in the world.
She will feel loved and just a tad bit spoiled when she receives this. Plus it’s certified Kosher by the Orthodox Union.
Handcrafted with metal and the prettiest of glass stones, this Judaica Torah pointer will make her gasp with delight!
It’s so beautiful you almost want to display it, but it’s meant to be used on a daily basis. So grown-up — she will love it (and you)!
Yes, I feel old now, too, because instant Polaroid cameras are back in vogue again! Who knew, right? Give her one of these fun cameras and watch her snap away, having the time of her life!
Of course, she and her friends have iPhones with epic cameras, but there’s something way more fun about collecting those Polaroid moments.
Handmade with white, cotton lace.
For religious ceremonies, a pretty head covering is a must-have item for the Jewish young woman.
This white Shabbat Sinar Tichel shawl really makes such a beautifully subtle statement. It is finely made, delicate (but won’t fall apart in the wash), and will make your little girl feel all grown up.
Hold her place when she needs to accomplish other things on her to-do list with this pretty book stand and placeholder. She will wonder how she ever got along without one!
It is personalized with her name and even holds her teacup, pens, and other important items. Indispensable!
This pretty purse is minimalist in design, but that doesn’t mean it’s boring. Far from it!
The smaller size makes it perfect for a young woman, and the soft leather is appealing to the eye and the touch. A great purse for her everyday use.
For the modern girl celebrating her Bat Mitzvah, why not consider this fun teen gift basket? It’s chock full of the things she loves, like candles, jewelry, and scrunchies!
You can even include a personalized message on the card and, if you like, it will arrive already gift-wrapped.
Keep her up-to-date on the trends! Stanley cups are all the rage right now, and she will love you forever if you give her one like this! Keep her hydrated and stylish all at once.
Best Gifts for Bar Mitzvah
For Jewish boys, if you aren’t wanting to give the gift of cash, we’ve got some great options for you!
Whether you’re looking for a traditional keepsake or a contemporary and meaningful gift, our collection ensures you find the perfect Bar Mitzvah gift that resonates with the celebrant’s personality and the significance of his coming-of-age ceremony.
For the young man celebrating his Bar Mitzvah, a “grown-up” gift is always appreciated. This one is especially meaningful for the lad who loves nature and being outside in God’s kingdom!
Though he may be a world away from the Holy Land of his ancestors, have a tree planted in Israel in his name and just watch his eyes light up.
On his big day, a keepsake watch like this would be a real treat. Watches are a wonderful and traditional gift, especially when you want to mark an important milestone, like his Bar Mitzvah.
This one is sleek, modern, and conventional, but of course, timeless.
If he loves playing games and beating his opponents, then he’ll love a great Chess set like this one. It’s made by the world’s best craftsmen, so you know its quality will last for years and years to come.
Definitely, until his own son reaches Bar Mitzvah, and he is able to pass it down to him!
Let’s be real: Young men of the Jewish faith love a good video game as much as any others! Give him something that will really delight and entertain him when he’s stuck in the house.
You are going to get such a big hug for this one.
- Handmade
- Brass, Leather, & Silk
- Personalization Options
A modern and grown-up piece of jewelry for his big day is a wonderful idea, and this Jewish prayer bracelet really fits the bill! You can select from leather or silicone, depending on his style.
The Hebrew prayer is inscribed right on the bracelet, a lovely reminder of his faith throughout his daily life.
A good set of Bluetooth speakers are worth their weight in gold, don’t you think? He will think so, too, and be so appreciative of this Soundcore set.
Whether he’s listening to music, sermons, prayers, or audiobooks, these will make him wonder how he ever got along without them.
Is your young man always on the cutting edge of technology? Does he appreciate a good bit of modernity in his life?
He will love this 3D hologram fan projector then! Totally cool and sophisticated, just like he is.
- 120 Recipes
- New York Times Bestselling Author
If he’s a budding chef or food enthusiast (and what teenage boy isn’t a food enthusiast), this cookbook will be a delight for all of his five senses, but especially taste.
Its beautiful design and mouth-watering recipes will inspire everyone in the house to eat well in the Kosher tradition.
This handsome Bar Mitzvah keepsake gift box features the Jewish star and will safely hold all of the mementos from his big day.
He can keep all of his treasures in one organized spot, and it will look so great on his desk or nightstand! Plus, it can be personalized with his name, too, to make it extra special.
This RFID Protection wallet is the bee’s knees! It’s made of soft, high-quality leather so it will last a good long while, and you can personalize it with a message of your choosing. Pick something inspirational, something from the Torah, his favorite song lyric, or just your nickname for him.
As you continue your quest for the perfect Bar or Bat Mitzvah gift, remember that the essence lies not just in the item itself, but in the thought and intention behind the gesture.
Whether you choose a personalized keepsake, symbolic jewelry, educational tools, or a tech-savvy surprise, the significance lies in the meaningful and thoughtful connection it fosters with the young celebrant.
We invite you to share your insights, experiences, or additional gift ideas in the comments below. Your unique perspectives in Bar and Bat Mitzvah gift etiquettes can provide inspiration and guidance to others navigating the path of selecting a memorable and meaningful gift.
In celebrating this rite of passage, let’s collectively contribute to the creation of cherished memories that will last a lifetime. Mazel Tov to you and yours!
Read Next: Best Gifts for 13 Year Olds
