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These are, without a doubt, the 21 worst gift ideas ever. They’re so bad that you probably should stop reading right now. Just go away.
We have to do this sort of thing. Because we’re All Gifts Considered, we have to consider not only the best gift ideas, but also the worst. Those terrible, lousy, outrageously stupid gifts that somehow still end up being gifted.
But you, dear reader, you do not have to consider all gifts, so you are free to leave.
And leave you should.
These gifts are so unspeakably bad that if you proceed you may want to cut off all ties with the human race. To know what humans can do to one another, and that in the name of affection… We say it’s better you don’t know in the first place. It’s not worth it.
PLEASE DO NOT PIN THIS
You might be tempted to share this with your friends, but please don’t. For your own sake. After all, think about it: If you read this and then show it to your friends, they may – in their tasteless debauchery – seek out one of this worst gift ideas ever and get it for you.
You don’t want that. Seriously.
DO NOT READ.
Ok, ok, maybe these terrible gift ideas are not really that bad. Maybe we’re exaggerating. Maybe we’re just trying to be funny. This is probably just a list of lame gifts, dumb ideas that never really took off.
But then again, maybe not. Maybe there really is a danger that you or someone you love will throw hard-earned money down the toilet for one of these abominations. Or perhaps there is an even deeper, more sinister reality behind these horrible gifts.
There’s only one way to find out.
But remember, we have to do this. You, however, do not. We’re All Gifts Considered. You, dear, sweet, innocent reader, are not obliged to read any further.
All righty. Here we go.
The 21 Worst Gift Ideas Ever
Last chance! Go away! Warning! These really are the worst gift ideas ever.
1. Eyebrow Razors, 6-Pack
This is one of those four or five things you just don’t say to a woman. Like, ever. Or to a man. You just don’t say this to people. Right up there with, “Lose some weight,” or “You should try wearing makeup,” and of course the classic, “When are you due?” After those ones, you don’t want to give a gift that says, “Shave off that unibrow!” Dreadful.
Oh, and you really don’t want to go with the 6-pack.
Plus it’s called Tinkle. Just when you thought this gift idea couldn’t get any lousier. Ugh. Enough of this.
2. Cockroach Stuffed Animal
I know these are just stuffed animal plush pillow, but… ewwwww. A cockroach plush pillow? It’s gross to even look at the photo. Don’t do this to anyone, please.
But seriously. It’s bad enough already, but if anyone has ever had to deal with a cockroach infestation, this is like snuggling with a nightmare.
3. Personalized Branding Iron
Like, what are they going to brand with that thing?
Think about it. Why on earth would you give someone a personalized branding iron? I’ll tell you why: because you’re a terrible person, and you think they are a terrible person, and you’re a terrible gift giver.
4. Lung Ashtray
Them: “Oh, uhh, thanks, but I switched to e-cigs.”
You: “I just gave you a lung ashtray. Do you think I care?”
5. A Cremation Urn For Their Ashes
Speaking of lung cancer… imagine wrapping up a cremation urn!
Ok you have to admit, some of these urns are really kinda lovely as far as woodcraft and artistry go. But really?! “Hey honey, here’s the box I’m going to put your ashes into. Happy birthday!”
6. A Pet
High maintenance? Check. Ongoing expenses? Check. Annoying as ****? Check. Possible allergic reactions from family members? Check. What could go wrong?
7. Ferret Legging Plaque
Speaking of ferrets… uh, what? A vintage ‘ferret legging’ plaque? Who would enjoy this? And it’s personalized with the recipient’s name in a not-very-humblebrag. Weirdos.
But you know what’s even weirder? Ferret legging is actually a thing. Yep.
8. Beer Belly Fanny Pack
A well-oiled phrase comes to mind. “I threw up in my mouth a little bit.” That’s an apt description of this hairy crap bag.
If he already has those truck nuts thingies, he’ll probably think this is awesome. Which doesn’t make this any less of a terrible gift; it just tells us a little more about the recipient than we’d like to know.
9. A Donation to the Harvey Weinstein Foundation
This isn’t a real foundation, but you get the idea. Donations to famous lowlifes in entertainment or politics, or to a cause that stands in direct opposition to a person’s beliefs and/or political views. This is just the worst.
10. A Stripper Pole
Utterly tasteless. Don’t ever give a stripper pole to anyone.
11. The “Hey, You’re Lazy and Your House Is Gross” Slippers
Thankfully no longer available here
(but don’t relax just yet, there are plenty of other styles)
Think long and hard, but what single gift for under ten bucks better communicates that someone’s house needs cleaning and that they’re too lazy to do it well? On that score, you won’t find anything worse that this terrible gift.
Plus, this thing has a lousy 3 out of 5 stars on Amazon, with the top review entitled, “Cheaply made, totally a waste.” Sounds like a winner in the Worst Gifts Ever competition.
12. Exercise Gift Basket
Gift baskets are fun, because they’re filled with delicious junk food. But wait! With this crappy gift you can watch their eyes light up as they decipher its gift-basketness, and then you get to see their eyes light right back down as they realize it’s full of workout DVDs, Propel water, and a pedometer.
13. Bathroom Scale with Bluetooth
Nothing like this useless tech gadget that also says “you’re fat, lose some poundage.”
14. Onion Goggles
Here’s a problem no one needed to solve. Now it can be the gift that no one wants to receive.
15. Fetus Christmas Cookie Cutter
Yum, let’s have baby fetus Christmas cookies to celebrate… the birth of baby Jesus! Something about this is just way, way off. Not sweet.
16. Fertility Charm
The only way this gift can get any worse is if you’re a mother-in-law giving it to your daughter-in-law.*
And yet somehow, there are like 40 million fertility charms on Etsy.
*Actually, nevermind, it can get worse: if the daughter-in-law gives it right back!!
17. Toilet Mug
So yes, ok, we get that this is a gag gift. Funny, haha, it’s a crapper. Butt seriously? Gonna go fuel up the tank? Or ass their tagline says, Guaranteed to crack a smile?
Who likes potty humor like this? And who is going to hold that awkwardly large mug up to their face? What if your nose accidentally hits the flusher? This stupid piece of porcelain just poses too many questions, and provides too few answers. It’s a crap gift.
18. A Man-Kini
The Reindeer Mankini is in the category of “products that shouldn’t exist.” As such, it automatically qualifies for the category of “gifts that shouldn’t be given.”
19. Wrinkle Cream
No one cares if this is the best personal care product you’ve ever used. It’s just a bad idea. Don’t give people wrinkle cream.
20. Balding Products
If you don’t already know why any of these are terrible gift ideas, there’s no point in telling you.
21. Your Old Used Crap
This is basically the white elephant option. There’s a reason you don’t want it anymore: it’s crap.
Give the Best Gifts
We’re glad to see you’ve survived to the end! You, intrepid reader, have a conscience of steel and a heart of stone! Well done. You have learned all about the worst gift ideas ever.
Well, what can we say? Don’t fall prey to any of these terrible ideas. Make sure your present never ends up on some “Worst Gift Ideas Ever” post. That’s not the kind of “memorable” you want to go for. Instead, shop for something that is both unique and beautiful at Northwest Gifts.