Morticians are, by definition, macabre. Class it up all you want with nice suits, fancy furniture in the reception, and dope rides, but in the end it’s a ghoulish trade. The dismal trade.
People who become funeral directors or morticians can tend towards an interest in all things macabre. Or perhaps they simply drift that way as a release, a coping method to deal with the constant close proximity to death.
Whatever the case may be, however they got this way, the funeral director or mortician in your life with a morbid disposition has “special” tastes in Christmas and birthday gifts. Here are the best mortician and funeral director gift ideas with a splash of the macabre.
21 Macabre Mortician Gift Ideas
1. Personalized Funeral Director Sign
Crafted from solid wood in the USA and distressed by hand for an old-fashioned undertaker effect, this personalized Funeral Director Plaque is the perfect gift idea for a certified embalmer. The custom name plank can include a second line, which you can use to add any fun phrase, quote, or zippy one-liner for the macabre mortician in your life.
2. Skull Neck Tie
3. I Will Bury You Mortician T-Shirt
You gotta love an undertaker who tells it like it is… I will literally bury you. Find more macabre mortician t-shirt gift ideas at The 11 Best Funeral Director T-Shirts.
Also, note that the t-shirt above is the “premium” tee, which has a tighter, slimmer fit. For the “standard” tee, go here.
4. People Are Dying To Work With Me Coffee Mug
You’ll want to leave this coffee mug at home. At the same time, it will remind you why you get up in the morning – so that you can lay others to rest. After a few cups of coffee, of course.
5. Embalming Fluid Pint Glass
Get a custom laser etched pint glass (or set) with funny mortician sayings. “Embalming fluid” is a popular one, and here are a few more ideas:
- All men are cremated equal
- I love the smell of embalming fluid in the morning
- Last responder (here’s a good t-shirt version)
- My day begins when your day ends
- I put the fun in funeral
- Some days are just draining (t-shirt)
6. Black Plaque Necktie
A classy funeral director’s tie with what looks, at first glance, to be paisley but is in fact a strain of Yersinia Pestis – the Black Plaque! An original illustration, hand drawn from an electron microscope scan of Y. Pestis, and available in several colors for any and all occasions.
7. Antique Embalming Fluid Sign
From “Professor Kilgore” comes the world’s greatest concetrated embalming fluid. Or so they say. 15″ x 11″ pine wood plaque, carved to order in the USA for a mortician or someone with a macabre sense of humor.
8. Eternal Flame Crematorium Plaque
Here’s another one from the same manufacturer as the “Embalming Fluid” plaque, above. This one reads “Eternal Flame Crematorium – Dignified Cremation Services” beneath a lovely vintage rendering of an urn vessel.
9. Coffin Birdhouse
Handcrafted coffin birdhouse, black as night (of course). Features a prominent pewter cross. Birds live where the dead rest… pretty macabre, yet also pretty cool. Or, you could even one-up this with a birdhouse cremation urn.
10. Coffin Bookshelf
Southern pine wood crafted into a coffin-shaped bookshelf with hinged doors. Any mortician should love the opportunity to keep their favorite work-related funeral director books in this bad boy.
11. Morbid Curiosities Book
And to go on that coffin bookshelf, we have some Morbid Curiosities: Collections of the Uncommon and the Bizarre. Such curiosities are precisely the bailiwick of the macabre mortician. These include collections of skulls, mummified body parts, criminal ephemera, and more.
12. Beyond the Dark Veil: Post Mortem & Mourning Photography
Published after a successful Kickstarter campaign, these haunting photographs from The Thanatos Archive are compiled into a macabre and wonderful book. Featuring more than 120 extraordinary photographs and related ephemera documenting the practice of death and mourning photography in the Victorian Era and early twentieth century, this is the perfect macabre mortician or funeral director gift idea.
13. Snazzy Raven Cravat
Every connoisseur of the macabre knows the raven. And there’s nothing more 1840s Bostonian style than a cravat. Quoth the raven, “Lookin’ good.”
14. Some Days Are Just Draining Embalmer T-Shirt
It’s true for everyone, but for embalmers, it’s true in a very special way… some days indeed are just draining.
15. Luxurious Coffin-Shaped Bath Caddy
After a long, “draining” day on their feet at the funeral home, a luxurious bath with candles, wine, and quality reading materials is in order. All that is lacking for the mortician in your life is this coffin-shaped bath caddy.
16. Morgue: A Life in Death
Famed New York City medical examiner Vincent Di Maio is one of the lions of forensic science. In this gritty and enthralling narrative, Di Maio guides us into the inner sanctum, through the cases that made him famous. Readers are led behind the scenes into the exhumation of assassin Lee Harvey Oswald, the racially charged shooting of Florida teen Trayvon Martin, the unmasking of a serial baby-killer, and the mysterious death of troubled genius Vincent van Gogh.
17. Coffin Purse
A delightfully wicked handcrafted purse, shaped like a coffin.
18. Mortician’s Bottle Opener
A wall-mounted beer opener complete with magnetic cap catcher, mortician-style. If this is the right idea but wrong, ahem, execution, try one of these personalized bottle openers which come in an array of less coffin-y designs.
19. Til Death Do Us Part Skeleton Framed Art Print
A wedding gift for a mortician with a creative sense of humor, or an anniversary gift for a spouse working in the dismal trade. Includes personalization of names and wedding date.
20. Missing Body Parts Gummy Candy Collection
Embalmers and morticians will be all too familiar with the contents of this fun bag of gummy candies. For the morbid funeral director with a sweet tooth.
21. Morgue Life T-Shirt
It’s the #morguelife. Finding joy and beauty in the midst of decay, the mortician – even the one with a bent towards morbidity and the macabre – doesn’t let death get them down. And that is a beautiful thing.